Match Game (Pilot)

[Deleted]

Can we get one of the production staff to get Frank a drink, please.
(audience chuckles)

Well, I suppose if Ray was known by the bank and it was known that he liked wearing women's clothing, they'd give him a hijab...

* I begin walking towards the stars *

...but more likely, for that kind of thing, wouldn't they offer him a taqiyah?  I don't know, what do you think, Sam?

[Deleted]

Well, there are tons of answers to this, just that I find this one amusing,

(flips card)

[Deleted]

(audience chuckles)

Well, since coffee supposedly originated in Yemen, that makes sense.

Buzz

Evan. we're looking for a hijab.  Have you got one up there somewhere?

[Twentington]

I haven't, I'm afraid.  I was thinking more along the lines of religion.  You know how there are those people who'll stand out on the streets and hand out bibles, I was thinking along those lines, so I put...

[Deleted]

Sure, anything Arabic would make sense for this question.

Buzz

Kevin, Kourtney says Ray got a free hijab at that bank.  What do you say?

[koopakid17]

I went the more traditional route. If you want to defend yourself, they recommend using a sword.

[Deleted]

And a magnificent looking sword it is at that, Kevin!

Buzz

* I walk back along the row and to the left-side of the bottom tier *

Kourtney, you're striking out so far with that answer.  Let's see if Frank is still sober enough after having his drink to give us his answer.  Whatcha got in the slot there, Frank?

[grapebuy789]

I know this answer isn't politically correct and I might get hanged for this one. I said...

[Deleted]

Well, I must say I do like the font you have on that card Frank, but yeah, let's be careful not to stereotype people here, folks.

Buzz

Steven, we're looking for a hijab to give Kourtney a match.  What did you come up with?

[st1200]

Hijab is what you want then you're in the wrong studio

[Deleted]

Well, many Arab countries have a lot of oil, so that's a good answer.

Buzz

What about you, Mr. Skinner?  Have you got a hijab for Kourtney?

[Bill Skinner]

Gotta love those Arabs for being sly like that. Now I don't know if this is the right spelling, but I believe they gave him a free...

[Deleted]

I believe it can be spelled that way, but I've also seen it spelled Qu'ran as well.  Spelling doesn't matter on this show though, what matters is there were no hijabs up there I'm afraid, Kourtney.

Buzz

So, it's a big lead for Nels after Round 1

(applause begins)

Qucik Theme

Round 2 coming up, but first, a bit of business with America if we may, so pay attention, please.

[Deleted]

(fade in)

Hello there, back already?  Well then, in that case, I'll push this button...bing...

...and reveal our second round questions.  Nels, if you wish, you may select A or if you prefer, you can have B, it's entirely up to you, sir.

[nelson17]

B again please

[Deleted]

B again.  Ok.  Here it is, stars.

Think Music

[st1200]

only 2 stars have to write in this one cause he matched 4 stars already

[Deleted]

Nope, everyone writes -- no 6-star limit here

[Deleted]

Let's all stare at Evan while he's thinking of an answer. 

[Deleted]

Ok Nels, everyone's cards are in the slots, so we ask you now.  Sally, the stripper, said, "I'm tired of going out with that guitar player...today, he tried to tune my...?

[nelson17]

G string

[grapebuy789]

*applause*

We finally have a good answer!!!

[Deleted]

Well, he's a guitar player so tuning some type of string certainly seems to make sense to me.

*walks over to the panelists*

What did you say that guy was tuning, Sam?

[Deleted]

Umm... pardon me for being a bit of a taboo person, prepare youur 'whoas' everyone.
(Flips card)

[Deleted]

Well, some guitars have, uhhh, "dials" on them, so yeah -- tuning can sure be fun, can't it?
(audience chuckles)

Buzz

Nels is looking for a G-string Evan, would you show us yours, please?

[Twentington]

See, my logic was going in the same direction as Sam's, but with everybody staring at me, my train of thought only got as far as the classic Match Game answer before crashing...





I regret nothing.

[nelson17]

I thought of that

[Deleted]

Yep, when in doubt on Match Game, the answer is either boobs or Howard Cosell, which back in the day, some would have said is the same thing.
(audience chuckles)

Buzz

That brings us to you, Kevin.  Are you gonna show us a pair as well?

[koopakid17]

No, thank you. My pair stays clothed!

But while we're on the same subject, how do you play guitar with your boobs? I figure it would be easier for strippers to play with their:

[Deleted]

Oh no, now I have to resist the urge to google "playing guitar with your boobs"!!

Ding

* walks over to see Frank *

A couple more G-Strings and you win the game, Nels!  How about it, Frank?  From your remark earlier, I have a feeling we're about to hear another ding.