|
|
Post by palmer7 on Feb 20, 2017 18:48:28 GMT -5
(just then, I get a phone call on my cell, I pick up) Hello? (pause) Oh, hey, Bill. (pause) Yeah? (pause) It's done already? (pause) Whaddya mean Kelsey did it solo? Oh, we're going to have a talk with NBC after this. Thanks. (I hang up)
You won't need that tux rental, Doug. That bastard Brad Lachman already taped the show.
|
|
|
|
Post by dougmorrisontheair on Feb 20, 2017 21:10:13 GMT -5
Doug: Ah darn. (scattered laughter from the crowd) Well, even though we've demonstrated we're nice consoling bunch -- we'll see if a warden or two comes up as we compare answers -- starting with Kevin. Kevin: I know he's not in office anymore but I just can't pass up the opportunity. (buzz) (scattered applause) Doug: Well -- he still gets Secret Service protection, right? I think he's still good for the next decade. Anyhoo -- Greg? Greg: Well, now that he's president..... (buzz) (scattered laughter and applause) Kevin: 20 won't be enough if that's the case! Doug: Heheh -- no kidding. Probably be sentenced to 20 centuries. To Jon, now. Jon D.: If these two can get away with political commentary, so can I. Given his penchant for "locking people up," I think the worst possible target of an obscene call - granted, he'd arguably deserve it - is.... (buzz) (Jon D. sits in silence as liberals in the audience cheer) Jon D.: Ah, my brethren -- how they love me. Kevin: See, folks? We're a bipartisan show! Doug: For those of you tuning in, this *is* MG-HSH, not The New Crossfire. (scattered laughter from the crowd) No matches yet as we go to Tony. Cal the Convict will spend another 20 years in prison -- after he made an obscene phone call to BLANK.
Doug: ...the warden, according to Matt. What, according to you? Tony: (impersonating Don Lafontaine) Just when you thought the scandal was over.... think again! (buzz) (audience laughs and applauds) Doug: Melania, by the way, is not the first First Lady to be born outside the U.S. For the first, you've got to go all the way back to Louisa Adams -- wife of John Quincy Adams. Try *that* at your next party. Steve? Steve: El Presidente (buzz) (scattered applause) Doug: The incumbent seems to be the definitive answer. And now -- to wrap this up on style -- (scattered laughter from the crowd) -- Jonathan -- give it to us. Jonathan L.: At first, I thought Charles Manson -- then I changed it to... (buzz) (audience laughs and applauds) Tony: Wow! Doug's question card is super effective on Jonathan's weak spot. Doug: Yeah, who knew. Calling me might not get you extra time in the Crossbar Hotel. The record exec Doug Morris? Five extra years in the slammer, at least. (scattered laughter) Well -- after Round 1 -- lots of laughs but no score. Come back for Round 2 -- after this. (audience applause; MG-HSH music plays) |
|
|
|
Post by jlastergolf on Feb 20, 2017 21:14:22 GMT -5
See Douglas I can give a good answer. 😜
|
|
|
|
Post by jmdarrall on Feb 20, 2017 21:33:17 GMT -5
Hey, Jonathan, let me share the modern version of an old Match Game adage: if in doubt, say BOOBS or DONALD TRUMP.
|
|
|
|
Post by jlastergolf on Feb 20, 2017 21:35:03 GMT -5
I like being unpredictable.  |
|
|
|
Post by tmann3x on Feb 21, 2017 14:01:33 GMT -5
|
|
|
|
Post by dougmorrisontheair on Feb 21, 2017 14:12:14 GMT -5
(audience cheers)And we're back. (Doug pushes button on toaster revealing Round 2 questions) Well -- in just one round, we've managed to have tons of laughter -- but zero matches. Let's see if that turns around. Since we have a tie and Frank went first in Round 2, Matt, you get to choose. Will it be Question A or Question B?
|
|
|
|
Post by mringgenberg on Feb 21, 2017 14:41:53 GMT -5
I'll take B.
|
|
|
|
Post by dougmorrisontheair on Feb 21, 2017 20:49:43 GMT -5
(Doug grabs B; walks to panel) Matt's going with B -- and all six stars play both questions in the round. Here's the first. Old Man Perrywinkle is so senile...
HOW SENILE IS HE??!!?!?
...he has to have two glasses of water. One for his dentures and the other for his BLANK.
(think music plays)(audience laughs and applauds) |
|
|
|
Post by tmann3x on Feb 22, 2017 16:32:29 GMT -5
Hey Greg... I had visited the Three On A Match studio and Bill told me that the rare footage of "High Rollers" was stolen.
|
|
|
|
Post by palmer7 on Feb 22, 2017 16:48:13 GMT -5
(I submit my answer) It was?! The scoundrels! Looks like we'll have to call Banacek..... whaddya mean he's dead!?
|
|
|
|
Post by palmer7 on Feb 22, 2017 16:49:20 GMT -5
Call McMillan's wife!
|
|
|
|
Post by dougmorrisontheair on Feb 22, 2017 21:47:59 GMT -5
Annnd, everyone's all set. Matt, here's the query again. Old Man Perrywinkle is so senile -- he has to have two glasses of water. One for his dentures and the other for his BLANK.
|
|
|
|
Post by mringgenberg on Feb 22, 2017 23:06:01 GMT -5
Medication?
|
|
|
|
Post by dougmorrisontheair on Feb 23, 2017 22:46:05 GMT -5
(audience cheers)Doug: Meds. That's a good answer. Let's see if that gets you on the board. Kevin, we start with you again. Kevin: What else would you need water for, aside to take your... (ding; audience applause)Doug: Pills -- close enough to match meds. There's the first match in the game for Matt. Greg, do you provide the second? Greg: I know for a fact that Peter Falk had one of these, and he put it in a glass of cold water every night.. (buzz) (scattered laughter from the crowd) Doug: (trying to impersonate Columbo) Oh -- uh -- one more thing. (more laughter from the crowd) Well -- we actually get one more answer from this row and Jon. Jon D.: What else if his needs to be cleaned? (buzz) Jon D.: Talk to my buddy Ben Stein about Clear Eyes, Mr. Periwinkle. (scattered laughter from the crowd) Doug: Wow. Another glass eye -- but we're looking for more meds as we visit Tony. Old Man Perrywinkle is so senile -- he has to have two glasses of water. One for his dentures and the other for his BLANK.
Doug: And Matt said "pills". What'cha thing? Tony: Perrywinkle's most common side effects in becoming a senile is the unstoppable use of taking -- (card) the blue pill. (buzz) (audience groans) Doug: Nope. Sorry. "Pills" and a specific pill can't match each other. If the panel wrote down six different specific pills, we can't credit Matt with a clean sweep. So -- yeah -- generic versus specific mismatch. Sorry. (more groans) Kevin: He'll need more than just a cup of water for all that! Doug: Moooooo-ving right along to Steve -- who looks like a cat who swallowed a canary for some reason. (scattered laughter from the crowd) Steve: What else needs to be cleaned. I can think of something. (buzz) (audience laughs and applauds) Jon D.: Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! One more time around the hole, eh, Steven? Jonathan L.: That's it I am moving to the top tier next time. Kevin: I'd hate to be the doctor who preps him! Doug: (shakes head and laughs) Are we still on the air? (more laughter from the crowd) Jonathan, save us -- please! Jonathan L.: The only logical answer I can come up with... (buzz) (scattered groans) Doug: Bath, eh? But no pills. Doug: Ya got one out of that, Matt. Frank, chance to take the lead here.
|
|
|
|
Post by dougmorrisontheair on Feb 23, 2017 23:04:39 GMT -5
(Doug grabs A; walks to panel) All right. All six of you get to play this query. Vince Van Patten said, "How on earth did the World Poker Tour hire Dumb Dora to be a royal flush girl? Instead of a cocktail dress, she came to the final table wearing BLANK."(think music plays) (scattered laughter from the crowd) |
|
|
|
Post by tmann3x on Feb 23, 2017 23:48:57 GMT -5
Uh... Doug... is this the same card as question B?
|
|
|
|
Post by billmcdee on Feb 24, 2017 4:32:52 GMT -5
(ROFL, Senility is contagious!)
|
|
|
|
Post by dougmorrisontheair on Feb 24, 2017 8:12:33 GMT -5
(Senility and fatigue kicked in last night. Image should be fixed now.)
|
|
|
|
Post by dougmorrisontheair on Feb 24, 2017 23:48:03 GMT -5
(stars write) Okie doke, Frank. I'll repeat the question one more time. Vince Van Patten said, "How on earth did the World Poker Tour hire Dumb Dora to be a royal flush girl? Instead of a cocktail dress, she came to the final table wearing BLANK." |
|
|
|
Post by grapebuy789 on Feb 25, 2017 20:42:33 GMT -5
I hear "royal flush" so I'm going to say a toilet seat.
|
|
|
|
Post by dougmorrisontheair on Feb 26, 2017 21:40:59 GMT -5
(scattered groans) Doug: My next question: Was that *all* she was wearing? (scattered laughter and cheers from men in the crowd) Don't applaud so fast, fellas. There is good naked and bad naked. Dora, being the dummy she is, is closer to bad naked. (scattered laughter from the crowd) We'll compare answers starting again with Kevin. Kevin: Well, they said royal flush, didn't they? Doug: They did. Kevin: Imagine the reactions she'll get when Dumb Dora shows up in (card) a toilet. (scattered applause) (buzz) (scattered groans and boos) Doug: No. Can't match the whole terlet with a component thereof. (more boos) Don't hate the messenger, okay? (scattered laughter from the crowd) Greg? Greg: You know, I've never actually seen Mario do any plumbing... (buzz) (scattered cheers) Doug: Now that's a bit more like it. At one anime convention I went to, I saw a young lady dress as Mario. Good answer as we look for another from Jon. Jon D.: Emphasis on "flush." How unsexy is this? (buzz) (audience cheers) Doug: Now *that* was what I was thinking. Judge, for those playing from home, would "Mario costume" match a plumber's outfit? (buzz) (inaudible explanation from judge) Doug: Plumbers in general can't match with a specific plumber in Mario. Huhhhh-kay. Fair enough -- I guess -- as we turn to Tony. Vince Van Patten said, "How on earth did the World Poker Tour hire Dumb Dora to be a royal flush girl? Instead of a cocktail dress, she came to the final table wearing BLANK."Tony: I think Dumb Dora's career is gonna go down the drain like Justin Bieber's 15 minutes of fame. (ding; audience applause)Doug: Well what-ya-know? Doug: Frank, I thought for sure you were going to zonk out this round -- and *that* happened. Steve, do you offer another toilet seat? Steve: Only dress suitable for the occasion... (buzz) (scattered laughter from the crowd) Doug: T standing for "toilet", I gather. Can't match as we go to Jonathan to wrap up the round. Jonathan L.: On my answer, I heard "cocktail" in the question so my answer was simple... (buzz) (audience groans)Jonathan L.: Maybe I'll do better on Hollywood Squares. Doug: I hope for your sake you improve. You'll be in a corner square after Round 3 of Match Game. Doug: As for Frank, he's improved his score. We've got a tie after two rounds of Match Game. Find out who's heading to Squares -- after this. (audience applause; MG-HSH music plays) |
|
|
|
Post by tmann3x on Feb 26, 2017 23:08:11 GMT -5
===================================================================== *fade to promo* (win cue)(cheers and applause)SHADOE STEVENS: Closed Captioning sponsored today by the following-- |
|
|
|
Post by koopakid17 on Feb 26, 2017 23:09:35 GMT -5
*throws my card in the air after buzz*
What!?
*makes the "I'm watching you" gesture to judge*
|
|
|
|
Post by nathandiniz on Feb 27, 2017 0:05:08 GMT -5
*puts himself on standby*
|
|
|
|
Post by dougmorrisontheair on Feb 27, 2017 7:41:58 GMT -5
(audience cheers)And away we go with Round 3. (Doug pushes button on toaster revealing Round 3 questions) Score's tied. Since Matt went first in Round 2, Frank, you make the choice. Question A or Question B?
|
|
|
|
Post by jmdarrall on Feb 27, 2017 10:25:11 GMT -5
I hear you, Kevin. That judge is being awfully strict today!
|
|
|
|
Post by grapebuy789 on Feb 27, 2017 13:18:20 GMT -5
I'll try Question B.
|
|
|
|
Post by dougmorrisontheair on Feb 27, 2017 20:33:11 GMT -5
(Doug grabs B) B it shall be. Now, you've already matched with Tony. That means our master of the squares will chillax while the others play this question. Confucius say, "Elevator operator who make mistakes is wrong on many BLANK." (think music plays) (scattered laughter from the crowd) |
|
|
|
Post by dougmorrisontheair on Feb 28, 2017 21:48:16 GMT -5
Okie doke, Frank. We're all set. Question again. Confucius say, "Elevator operator who make mistakes is wrong on many BLANK." |
|
