MATCH GAME/HOLLYWOOD SQUARES HOUR - Episode 12

[dougmorrisontheair]

Ah, cool. Thanks for the tip, Kevin.

Frank, Matt, time to start Match Game -- where your objective is to match as many...

...of these researchers from the classic series "In Search of..." as you possibly can. (scattered laughter from the crowd) Each match you make pays $100. Match all six stars over the course of three rounds of play -- and you'll score an additional $400. High scorer after the third round wins the game, another $500 -- and then goes on to Hollywood Squares to play against the champ. Winner there goes on to the Super Match -- where $100,000 are waiting to be won!

(audience cheers)

(Doug pushes button on toaster revealing Round 1 questions)

Frank, we'll start with you. Would you like to start with Question A or Question B?

[jlastergolf]

Doug was that a joke you were trying to make?

[dougmorrisontheair]

With emphasis on "trying" -- yes?

Frank, A or B?

[grapebuy789]

Let me try Question B please.

[dougmorrisontheair]

(grabs B)

B it is -- and we're off and running. All right -- and all six stars on the panel play this since we're starting a new game. (scans card) Annnnd -- I better let our regular in the top row read this. Because the questions starts out, "Greg Palmer said..."

(scattered laughter from the crowd) (Doug hands card to Greg)

I said, "I just finished watching Nerdocrumbesia's version of '$ale of the Century'. And boy is it sleazy."

HOW SLEAZY IS IT?!!?

"After one round of questions, the host offered up BLANK as an instant bargain."

(think music plays)

(audience laughs and applauds)

[palmer7]

Did you see The Wall last week, Doug? It was terrible. This bus driver saved somebody's life, and he and his brother walk away with nothing. 'Course, they got every question wrong, but still....

[dougmorrisontheair]

Sadly, I did. LeBron, Chris, if you need help in improving the game (does "call me" hand signal; scattered laughter from the crowd) give us a buzz here at MG-HSH.

[koopakid17]

Well, that's what happens when you prioritize emotions and sob stories over a game. It just doesn't work.

[palmer7]

Amen, brotha! (I fist bump with Kevin)

[dougmorrisontheair]

Okay, we're all set. Frank, first chance to get on the scoreboard with this.

Greg Palmer said, "I just finished watching Nerdocrumbesia's version of '$ale of the Century'. And boy is it sleazy." "After one round of questions, the host offered up BLANK as an instant bargain."

[grapebuy789]

I've no idea who this Nerdocumbesia guy is. If he's even a person. But I'm going to say fake jewelry.

[jmdarrall]

Uh-oh. Hang on, we're in for some more of Sartori's Amateur Hour! Frank, Nerdocrumbesia is not a person, but a made-up place. It's supposed to be the world's sleaziest country.

[grapebuy789]

Hey I did my best. I'm here to try my best and to have fun.

[jmdarrall]

It's all right. It's actually a halfway decent answer

[dougmorrisontheair]

Doug: Yeah, for generations of Match Game questions, Nerdocrumbesia has been this made-up sleazy nation. Well -- let's start comparing answers. Ya never know. Fake jewelry might pop up in a Round 1 question. Bill, we start with you -- uh, I mean -- Kevin. (scattered laughter from the crowd) I'm a creature of habit.

Kevin: I'm going to get a lot of fan mail for this. Who would have thought of offering as a prize?

(buzz) (scattered laughter)

Doug: Send those letters to Kevin Kolsen, c/o MG-HSH, 6430 -- oh, we'll give the address later. Greg, you saw the show -- or so this question claims. What was he offering up as a bargain?

Greg: I had to sit through that thing, so I know what happened. The host, a somewhat-attractive man, offered up....

(buzz) (audience laughs and applauds)

Doug: Those who practice the world's oldest profession can't get arrested in Nerdocrumbesia. It's legal there. Now to Jon Darrall.

Jon D.: Getting sleazy already, eh? You give me sleazy, and I'll give you one (card) hooker comin' right up!

(buzz) (audience laughs and applauds)

Doug: (nods head to camera) As I was saying. Well -- no fake jewelry yet as we go to the lower tier and Tony.

Greg Palmer said, "I just finished watching Nerdocrumbesia's version of '$ale of the Century'. And boy is it sleazy. After one round of questions, the host offered up BLANK as an instant bargain."

Tony: (impersonating George Takei) Oh my! *shows card*

(buzz) (audience laughs and applauds)

Doug: See the theme developing, folks? To Steve now.

Steve: Normally $7,000,000 a season. Tonight you can own, for just $11 on The Match Game-Hollywood Squares Hour, ... (card)

(buzz) (audience laughs and applauds)

Doug: Not sure if I'd bring the classic beauty into this -- but Racey Stacey? Makes sense. Jonathan Laster, please wrap this up for us.

Jonathan L.: #YesIKnowItStunkButIHaveToRollWithIt

(buzz) (audience boos and hisses)

Doug: Whoever put our newcomer in the lower right -- well played.

(scattered laughter from the crowd)

Doug: No score after half a round of play. Frank, better luck in Round 2. Matt, your turn to bat coming up shortly.

[dougmorrisontheair]

(Doug grabs A; walks to panel)

And once again, everyone on the panel plays this one.

Cal the Convict will spend another 20 years in prison -- after he made an obscene phone call to BLANK.

(think music plays)

(audience laughs and applauds)

[jlastergolf]

Thanks Doug. ☺️

[tmann3x]

I'm sure that Joyce Bulifant would be very proud of your answer, Jonathan.

[dougmorrisontheair]

You got the role of the sixth seat down pat already.

Okay, they're all set, Matt. Question again.

Cal the Convict will spend another 20 years in prison -- after he made an obscene phone call to BLANK.

[mringgenberg]

The Warden?

[palmer7]

(I let out a heavy sigh, walk to Matt's desk, take out a $100 bill from my wallet, give it to him, then walk back)

[jmdarrall]

Wow...just....wowwww.

[jlastergolf]

You know this may end in 0-0 tie

[tmann3x]

Matt... during the break, Judge Judy would like to have a word with you.

[mringgenberg]

(going through my mind) What was I thinking?

[asja2002]

(Hands Matt a copy of the MG-HSH box game from Milton Bradley)

[jlastergolf]

Can I get a copy too?! 😝

[asja2002]

You'll get one too...here it is. Methinks the two of you will need the commercial break to study up

[jlastergolf]

I agree.

[koopakid17]

Remember: celebrities not included which means you have to provide your own jokes!