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Post by jmdarrall on Mar 9, 2016 18:44:30 GMT -5
As James and I finish up our pilot, I'd like three new contestants to visit my house at 72 Woopingkoff Lane. There are two minor tweaks from pilot to now.
1. The contestant waiting period is one episode, rather than two. I decided on this due to the fact that we don't have carryover champions.
2. During the Wheel of Jeopardy, I will NOT reveal if individual answers are right or wrong until all 10 questions are asked. This is to create an element of surprise.
I do ask that James, Matt, and Sheldon please sit this one out. Greg and John, I have plans for you, so check your PMs soon! Otherwise, anyone else can play!
Who's ready to sit down, strap in, and strut their stuff?
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Post by koopakid17 on Mar 9, 2016 19:55:33 GMT -5
I'm going to try this.
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Post by pathfinder20 on Mar 10, 2016 18:28:58 GMT -5
I will give it a go as well.
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Post by jmdarrall on Mar 10, 2016 20:41:25 GMT -5
Kevin and Kourtney...I just need one more!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 12, 2016 16:16:20 GMT -5
Got ya!
(Fastens his seat belt)
Enjoy da game!
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Post by jmdarrall on Mar 12, 2016 20:23:56 GMT -5
Kevin, Kourtney, and Jay in 3...2...1... (Original show's theme plays, as do scenes of me in childhood, played by a dorkier kid and featuring more recent game shows. Last show seen before title card is a clip of me and Sajak on "Wheel") Jonny wasn't like the other kids...REMOTE CONTROL! TV mattered, nothing else did...REMOTE CONTROL! Girls said yes! But he said NOOOOOOO!...REMOTE CONTROL! Now he's got his own game show! REMOTE CONTROL! (Logo appears. Beneath it, the disclaimer " 4 OUT OF 5 CHIROPRACTORS RECOMMEND IT...WE HAD TO STRAIGHTEN THE 5TH GUY OUT") (Cut to Colin Quinn at the bar...) COLIN: It's his house, his basement, his rules, and his game show! Now, for your viewing pleasure, the NEW quizmaster of 72 Woopingkoff Lane... JON DARRALL! (Applause. I enter the basement through the stage-side door, as I go to high-five Quinn, he pulls his hand away, and I playfully slug him on the arm. The audience quiets down.) ME: Thank you, and welcome to "Remote Control"! We're back with more useless pop culture trivia for you to while away another half-hour. Let's say hello to our in-house musician, Steve Trecasse! Steve, nice weather we're having today, yeah? (Steve smiles and waves as crowd cheers for him.) STEVE: Yeah! There's something in the air, and for once, it ain't Colin's cigarettes. (Laughter as Colin gives Steve a skunk-eye) ME: There sure is something in the air, and maybe the pretty lady in the floral mini-dress can tell us what that is. Say hi to Kari Wuhrer! (Audience applauds as Kari demurely stands up and acknowledges the crowd) KARI: Jon, it's Spring that's in the air, and I wore this just for the occasion. ME: And you look darn fine in it, too. (Audience hoots and hollers as Kari blushes) Last, the man bold enough to wear a leather jacket year-round, tough-guy Colin Quinn! (Audience cheers as Colin gives the "bring it on" gesture) COLIN: Hey, I didn't quite like that crack Steve gave me. Just watch out, I've got some comin' for you, Trecasse! ME: Hey, hey! Enough! Why don't we meet the contestants? Starting in the green chair, to my right...from Long Island, New York, an accountant, here's Kevin! (Audience cheers and applauds as Kevin yells "Yeah!" and throws two thumbs up) Next, in the pink, a sub shop cashier from Georgia, say hey to Kourtney! (Audience says "hey!" to Kourtney, who answers back in kind) Last, to my left, in the blue chair, from California, meet Jay! (Audience applauds as Jay throws up a "shaka sign") All right, you palookas ready to play the game? KEVIN, KOURTNEY, AND JAY: Yeah! ME: Let's do it! (Steve plays along to the theme song's melody while Kari plays along with a bongo she found on the bar. I walk toward my podium, situated next to the TV. As customary, I turn to the picture of Ken Ober on the Wall of Fame, give it the thumbs up, whisper "for you, Ken!", then face the players)  ME: Here are the rules: TV begets channels, channels beget questions, questions beget answers, answers beget points, most points be gettin' you...(audience boos at that last one as I laugh)...knock it off! Anyway, most points gets you a ride on the Wheel of Jeopardy and a chance to win over $17,000 in prizes! Sounds nice, doesn't it? In any event, we had an "Electric Boogaloo Dance-Off" backstage, and Steve reports that KEVIN, you had the least embarrassing rendition of that dance, so you get to go first! Pick a channel, and let's get this game underway! (Kevin picks up his remote and....) |
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Post by koopakid17 on Mar 12, 2016 22:33:01 GMT -5
I'll pick channel six. *presses 6 on the remote*
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Post by jmdarrall on Mar 13, 2016 13:38:39 GMT -5
(Kevin presses button 6) ME: And we start off this shindig with...  ME: ...UKTV! (Applause as Steve plays a few bars of "Rule, Britannia") Yes, the United Kingdom has given us a lot of fine things: Jaguars, Kate Middleton, fish and chips, Kate Middleton, and outstanding television shows. Oh, did I mention Kate Middleton? COLIN (deadpan): You did. She's taken. (Laughter) ME: I knew that. Anyway, try these questions about TV shows from "across the pond." For 5 points... If Jeremy Clarkson is calling James May a "blithering idiot" while he helps Richard Hammond turn a minivan into a convertible, what automotive show would you be watching?(Contestants, please PM me a buzzcode 1-100, inclusive, as well as an answer. No penalties, so feel free to give each question a stab!) |
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Post by jmdarrall on Mar 13, 2016 17:47:51 GMT -5
(BONG! [99] Kevin's light shines)
ME: Kevin?
KEVIN: "Antiques Roadshow."
ME: Nope. (Double Dare BUZZ! As Steve plays a downward scale). Anyone else?
(BONG! Jay's light shines)
ME: Jay?
JAY: "Top Gear"
ME: That's the show! (Audience applauds as Steve plays a fanfare) Meanwhile, Col, you're looking a little puzzled. Explain.
COLIN: Kevin's answer...since when was "Antiques Roadshow" an automotive show?
ME: Ease off! It was only the first question...probably has a little bit of jitters. In any event, Jay, since you got that one right, you have 5 points and you have control of the remote. You now have a choice: you can stick with the channel and attempt a 10-pointer, or you can switch to another channel. What's your next move?
(Jay picks up his remote and...)
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 13, 2016 17:56:49 GMT -5
We're one step closer from banhammering the Brits stay put with this channel
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Post by jmdarrall on Mar 13, 2016 17:59:48 GMT -5
Banhammering? (I shrug my shoulders) He'll stick. Everyone ready. For 10 points...
The sci-fi series "Torchwood" is a spin-off and anagram of what long-running time-travel program?
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Post by jmdarrall on Mar 14, 2016 18:13:33 GMT -5
(BONG! [68] Kevin's light shines)
ME: Kevin?
KEVIN: "Doctor Who."
ME: That's correct! (Steve plays a fanfare, audience applauds). Just like that, 10 points. You see, Colin, it was just jitters, that's all.
COLIN: OK, I believe ya.
ME: And I believe that Kevin is leading with 10, Jay with 5, and Kourtney nada. Kevin, you have control. Are we going to close out this channel, or go somewhere else?
(Kevin picks up his remote and...)
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Post by koopakid17 on Mar 14, 2016 19:47:55 GMT -5
Let's try channel one this time.
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Post by jmdarrall on Mar 14, 2016 21:59:06 GMT -5
(Kevin presses button 1) ME: Switching over to Channel One, where we have...  ME: ..."I LOVE LUCY"! (Applause as Steve plays a few notes of the "I Love Lucy" theme) How can anyone NOT love Lucy? After all, she starred in TV's first smash-hit sitcom. These questions are devoted to this TV pioneer. For 5 points... Before playing a Cuban bandleader on "I Love Lucy," Desi Arnaz was...get this...no, seriously, get this...you ready? A Cuban bandleader! (Laughter) On the show and in real life, what specific musical instrument did Desi bang? |
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Post by jmdarrall on Mar 15, 2016 20:30:09 GMT -5
Waiting only on Kourtney.
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Post by jmdarrall on Mar 16, 2016 17:30:58 GMT -5
(BONG! [46] Jay's light shines)
ME: Jay?
JAY: The steel drum.
ME: Sorry, no. (Double Dare BUZZ! Steve plays downward scale)
(BONG! Kevin's light shines)
ME: Kevin?
KEVIN: The bongos?
ME: So close...no. (DD BUZZ! Downward scale). Kourtney, want to try? (He does...BONG!)
(KOURTNEY, you actually said "bongos," which we now know is wrong. You may post a different answer here on the board, or pass)
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Post by pathfinder20 on Mar 16, 2016 19:34:13 GMT -5
Total guess: The drum set?
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Post by jmdarrall on Mar 16, 2016 20:50:37 GMT -5
ME: Mmmmmm...
(DD BUZZ-BUZZ!)
ME: ...thought so. Can't take that. (Steve plays a deeper downward scale) The answer I had was the CONGA DRUM. Really close with "bongos," but those are different from the conga, namely in size. Scores stay where they are. Kevin, you are still in control. Stick or switch?
(Kevin picks up his remote and...)
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Post by koopakid17 on Mar 16, 2016 21:29:31 GMT -5
Ouch. Missed it by that much.
I'll go to channel 3.
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Post by jmdarrall on Mar 17, 2016 11:45:34 GMT -5
(Kevin presses button 3 on his remote.) ME: Nice little classic TV reference there, bud. Let's see what's behind Channel Three...  ME: ...the PERSONAL OPINION CHANNEL! (Steve plays a few notes of "What's On Your Mind?" as the audience applauds) Also known as the "No Way You Can Mess This Up!" Channel. Here's why: other game shows deal with facts. Here, we occasionally like to deal with opinions. The first person to buzz in, give an answer, and give a reason behind it gets the points. This is a one-time channel, and all three of you can play. For 10 points... Which "reality" show seems the least realistic to you, and why?(Players, PM me buzz codes as before, but your response must include BOTH an answer and a reason. Don't worry about duplicate answers, and we don't need anything terribly long, either. Have fun!) |
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Post by jmdarrall on Mar 17, 2016 20:50:34 GMT -5
(BONG! [64] Kevin's light shines)
ME: Kevin, rant away!
KEVIN: I pick "The Bachelor" because dating shows always rub me the wrong way and they're giving single people a bad name. Everything between the dates and the selection process seems forced and everyone seems to be in it for the money.
ME: Ladies and gentlemen, presenting his Master's thesis on "Why I Hate Reality TV..." No, just kidding! That's good enough for me! (Steve plays a fanfare and the crowd applauds).
KARI: Hey, what would you say, Jon?
ME: If it were me, I'd say "Survivor," because it's nothing like being on a deserted island. I say there should be a new rule on that show: you die, you lose! (Audience laughs as Kari loses it) In any event, while Kari calms down, Kevin is leading with 20. Kevin, pick again, sir. Any channel except 3, please. Keep in mind, you can go back to a channel we've already played, but don't let me influence you.
(Kevin picks up his remote and...)
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Post by koopakid17 on Mar 19, 2016 12:36:08 GMT -5
Channel nine, please.
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Post by jmdarrall on Mar 20, 2016 21:24:21 GMT -5
(Kevin presses button 9 on his remote) ME: Behind Channel Nine...  ME: ...ASK DR. MOLECULE! (Audience goes "awwwww" as Steve plays some generic fifties-style TV background music) The audience doesn't like this channel for a reason, Kevin. You see, although it is new, it's a penalty channel. Our old friend from "Where In Time is Carmen Sandiego?" just made a great scientific discovery, and you're going to be the first to hear about it....for a price! Let's tune in and see what happens... (Screen shows our buddy John Lopez, who is dressed in a geeky scientist's outfit - slicked back hair, Coke-bottle glasses, white lab coat - and is speaking in a deadpan style...) DR. MOLECULE: Hello, and welcome to "Ask Dr. Molecule." Today, I will show you how 90 percent of all venomous snake bites can turn out to be "dry." To demonstrate, a viewer from South Africa has graciously sent this calm and friendly puff adder (Dr. M lifts a cover from a glass case, showing a snake that's quite the opposite...audience starts to get a little worried). Now, watch as I stick my hand in this cage, blissfully unaware of any such snake bite (The camera cuts to a poorly-made fake hand bitten by the snake as the audience freaks, but as Dr. M pulls his hand back out, the real hand clearly appears to be suffering from the effects of the bite)! And look at that, a dry bite and my hand is perfectly fine. Thankfully, the Corporation of Petty Contestants will deduct 10 points as compensation for my inevitable rise to fame, so remem...(Suddenly, still stone-faced, he faints almost immediately as an EMT crew rushes in)(Screen goes back to normal) ME: Oh, man! I hope those EMTs have anti-venom. Do they? (Someone offstage mumbles something like..."I think so") ME: Whaddya mean "I think so"!? Anyway, Kevin, remember those 10 points you so thoughtfully earned last question? Yeah, they're gone. (Camera shows Kevin slightly miffed as Steve plays "Pitcher's Got a Big Butt") Let's look on the bright side, though. You've still got the lead with 10. Jay's got 5, and Kourtney has yet to score. More importantly, you're still in control, so pick another channel (anything but 3 or 9). (Kevin picks up his remote and...) |
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Post by koopakid17 on Mar 20, 2016 21:35:46 GMT -5
Argh! Let's go to channel eight.
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Post by jmdarrall on Mar 20, 2016 22:24:32 GMT -5
ME: Kevin, next time you get honked, pick up your cushion and nail Kourtney, as he's sitting right next to you (Laughter). Anyway, he picked Channel Eight... (Kevin presses button 8 on his remote)  ME: ...which has got some BALD GUYS! (Females in the audience hoot and holler as Steve plays "Shave and a Haircut...Two Bits" on the keyboard) Yes, what some guys lack in folicular fortitude, they make up for with raw talent and, for some, raw sex appeal! (Females: OWWW!) These questions are about famous bald men. NOTE: None of the answers will be "Colin Quinn," as he is BALDING, not bald (Laughter as an irked Colin comes up and playfully smacks me upside the head). Sit down, Colin! Contestants, hands on buzzers. For 5 points... When the crowd chanted "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!," he was ready to pounce and break up a good-old-fashioned Springer fight. Nowadays, he hosts his own talk show, sending scumbag guests packing by saying "GET OFF MY STAGE!" Name this ex-Marine, ex-cop, and ex-possessor of hair. |
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Post by jmdarrall on Mar 22, 2016 10:07:48 GMT -5
(BONG! [94] Kevin's light shines)
ME: Kevin?
KEVIN: Steve Wilkos.
ME: He's the one! (Applause as Steve T. plays a fanfare) You see, Kevin, you're going to get those points back...you're already halfway there! You're leading with 15 and you still have control. Are we sticking or switching?
(Kevin picks up his remote and...)
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Post by jmdarrall on Mar 23, 2016 9:53:37 GMT -5
Kevin, we're waiting for your channel choice, please.
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Post by koopakid17 on Mar 23, 2016 11:49:54 GMT -5
Channel five, please.
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Post by jmdarrall on Mar 23, 2016 14:06:22 GMT -5
(Kevin presses button 5) ME: For Channel Five...  ME: ...LATE NIGHT TALK! (Audience applauds as Steve plays a few bars of the original "Tonight Show" theme) Can't sleep? Just need your daily dose of celebrity chat? Fortunately, late night TV talk shows have provided you a solution for decades! These questions are about late night TV talk shows, past and present. Ready on the buzzers for 5 points... Which "Tonight Show" host had the honor of being the first to host a sitting U.S. President on a late-night talk show? |
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Post by jmdarrall on Mar 23, 2016 22:44:51 GMT -5
(BONG! [24] Kourtney's light shines)
ME: Kourtney?
KOURTNEY: Johnny Carson.
ME: Sorry, no. (DD BUZZ! Downward scale, audience reacts). Anyone else?
(BONG! Jay's light shines)
ME: Yes, Jay?
JAY: John F. Kennedy.
ME: Hit it, Steve!
(Steve presses a button on his soundboard...)
BUTT-HEAD: Uhhhhh....no! (DD BUZZ! Audience laughs).
ME: Kevin, wanna try? (He rings in). Go for it!
KEVIN: Jay Leno.
(DD Double BUZZ! Audience reacts in shock as Steve plays a downward scale)
ME: I thought you'd get this. Audience, who was it?
AUDIENCE: JIMMY FALLON!
ME: Right! In 2010, he had President Obama on "The Tonight Show." Jay, you didn't pay attention to the question, and for your ridiculous answer, you must wear this...(I reach under my podium and pull out a paper cone-shaped hat)...for the rest of the round!
(I go over to Jay's podium and place the hat on Jay's head. Steve plays the Funeral March on his keyboard as I turn the hat forward, which says CONE OF SHAME on it)
ME: That's right, around here, a ridiculous answer equals the Cone of Shame. Try to avoid it, if you can. Well, Kevin, bit of a pickle, aren't we? You're still in control, though. Are we sticking, or switching?
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