MATCH GAME/HOLLYWOOD SQUARES HOUR [NBC] - Episode 5

[billmcdee]

(submitting answer)

And congrats too on "You Bet Your Life"!

Likewise, congrats to our Match Game host for taking over "On A Roll", which was also hosted by Greg.

[dougmorrisontheair]

And thanks, Greg, for allowing me to succeed you at On A Roll.

Waiting on Sam.

[palmer7]

Well thank you. We'll have to have Katie on as a panelist soon. Ant and Dec would be nice, too.

[tmann3x]

Somebody PM Sam before he misses the deadline.

[Deleted]

He's having trouble getting his answer PM'd.

[dougmorrisontheair]

Okay they're all set. Kourtney, your chance to score first with this.

As we all know, Tiny Tim tiptoed through the tulips. But Big Bertha tiptoes through BLANK.

[pathfinder20]

The first thing I thought of was bushes so let's go with BUSHES.

[dougmorrisontheair]

(scattered applause)

Doug: Bushes -- not a bad thought. Since we're dealing with Big Bertha, anything much bigger than a tulip works here. Ian, we start with you.

Ian: Well another flower I can think of is a [ROSE].

(buzz) (scattered groans and boos)

Doug: Well, if they were Texas-sized yellow roses, perhaps you've got a point. Either way, no match. Bill, nice to see you. To see you...

Most of the audience: NICE!!!

Doug: Audience warm-up guy trained you well. (scattered laughter from the crowd) Anyhoo, what did you write down?

Bill: She tiptoes through the *card* Weight Watchers meetings *card* to avoid having *card* to weigh in.

(buzz) (audience laughs)

Doug: Ahhhh -- I see what you did there. Matt, what did you do?

Matt:*card* Fields

(buzz)

Doug: Fields -- but no matches as we come on down to Greg.

As we all know, Tiny Tim tiptoed through the tulips. But Big Bertha tiptoes through BLANK.

Doug: Kourtney thought of bushes. What were you thinking of?

Greg: You wanna know how Big Bertha got her nickname?

Doug: Oh do tell.

Greg: It's not just because she's morbidly obese. She's also a big World War II buff. She enjoyed tiptoeing through.....

[BOMB SITES]

(buzz) (audience laughs; scattered applause)

Doug: Just hope she doesn't have a blast, if ya know what I mean. Sam?

Sam: Well I'm not quite sure how Big Bertha could tiptoe through ANYTHING. But in the interests of humour, I want to know how she'd manage to tiptoe through...



(buzz) (audience laughs; scattered applause)

Doug: Kind of along the lines of Greg's answer. Hunter, wrap this up, please.

Hunter: I don't know if this makes sense or not, but we'll see. Tiny Tim tiptoes through the tulips, while Big Berths tiptoes through *card*

[BUILDINGS]

(buzz) (audience boos and hisses)

Doug: We were talking about Big Bertha -- not Lizzie the Lizard from the video game Rampage.

| ROSE | WEIGHT WATCHERS... | FIELDS |
| BOMB SITES | A MINEFIELD | BUILDINGS |

Kourtney's answer: BUSHES

Doug: Oh well, Kourtney. Better luck in the next round. Jon, your chance to play is coming up.

[dougmorrisontheair]

(Doug grabs B; walks to panel)

Annnnd -- hey, we threw in a Pokémon reference or two in the last Super Match. Why not Pokémon references here in the main Match Game?

I have a TV Guide listing. Saturday morning, Cartoon Network, "Pokémon the Series: XY". Hilarity ensues when Jesse, James, Meowth and Wobbuffet from Team Rocket fail to catch Pikachu with BLANK.


(think music plays)

[palmer7]

(submits card)


This might be showing my age, but I remember when Pokémon was on The WB. The era of Saturday Morning cartoons is dead.

[Deleted]

(Inserts card) speaking of Pokémon and Pikachu, have you seen the car that Doug's gonna try to give away on his other show Crag?

[dougmorrisontheair]

The more I've attended anime cons, most assisting Greggo, the more I've gotten to know Pokémon fans. So the Pikacar is a salute to the fandom.

Waiting on Sam to get in there.

[palmer7]

I've written some Digimon fanfics I could let you read, Doug.

[dougmorrisontheair]

Save 'em for the break, Greg. I could use 'em.

Annnd they're all ready. Jon, let's see if you can score first.

I have a TV Guide listing. Saturday morning, Cartoon Network, "Pokémon the Series: XY". Hilarity ensues when Jesse, James, Meowth and Wobbuffet from Team Rocket fail to catch Pikachu with BLANK.

[jmdarrall]

Since Pikachu's a mouse, I'll say A MOUSETRAP.

[dougmorrisontheair]

(scattered applause)

Doug: Good, logical answer. Now you just have to hope our stars thought logically. (scattered laughter) Ian, we start with you again.

Ian: He looks like a dog to me so I said a... (card) [CAGE]

(buzz) (scattered boos)

Greg: A dog!?! He's an electric mouse!

Doug: See what I meant by logic, Jon? Let's see if we get logic from Bill.

Bill: Knowing virtually NOTHING about Pokémon , I'm going for the humorous answer here, I said they failed to catch Picachu with...(card) [His pants down]

(buzz) (scattered laughter from the crowd)

Bill: It's silly since I don't think that yellow Pac-Man blob looking thing even wore pants.

Doug: Pac-Man blob, eh? Pikachu has worn clothes at least once. Kids in a Pokémon managed to sneak by and put a clown costume on him. Anyhoo, Matt, your thoughts?

Matt: (card) A cargo net.

(buzz) (scattered laughter from the crowd)

Doug: Now *that* makes sense -- but not a mousetrap as we visit Greg.

I have a TV Guide listing. Saturday morning, Cartoon Network, "Pokémon the Series: XY". Hilarity ensues when Jesse, James, Meowth and Wobbuffet from Team Rocket fail to catch Pikachu with BLANK.

Doug: And Jon said "mousetrap". What say ye?

Greg: Well, Doug, I've been watching the show on and off for many years. I'm still waiting for Ash to get a Mega Ring. Anyway, I happen to know that Pikachu's favorite thing in the whole wide world is... (card)

[KETCHUP]

(buzz) (scattered cheers)

Doug: Now that's more like it. Use ketchup as bait -- fail miserably. Sam?

Sam: I wrote this one of my own accord, and because Pokémon is SO predictable nowadays... (card)

[CAGE]

(buzz) (scattered cheers)

Doug: Another Cage. And Hunter, wrap this up.

Hunter: Apparently Ian, Sam and myself are great minds because we thought alike. (card) [CAGE]

(buzz) (scattered cheers)

Doug: Kinda sorta in the ballpark with mousetrap -- but not close enough.

| CAGE | HIS PANTS DOWN | A CARGO NET |
| KETCHUP | CAGE | CAGE |

Jon's answer: MOUSETRAP

(MG-HSH underscore theme plays)

Doug: Oh well, we're scoreless after one period of play. Ian McHugh's intermission report's coming up and more of the game -- after this.

(audience applause)

[dougmorrisontheair]

(audience cheers)

We're back. Glad you're back, too.

(Doug pushes button on toaster revealing Round 2 questions)

All right, players, let's see if you have better luck with this pair of questions.

Normally, the leader goes first. But we have a tie game. Since Kourtney went first in Round 1, Jon, you get to pick in Round 2. Would you like Question A or Question B?

[jmdarrall]

B, please.

[dougmorrisontheair]

B it shall be

(Doug grabs B; walks to panel)

And since no one's made a match, all the stars play both questions in this round. Here the first of the round.

(Doug skims card)

Oh -- political season warming up here -- but wrapped up elsewhere. Here's the deal.

Last week, Sleazeball Sal was elected prime minister of Nerdocrumbesia in a landslide win. He made only two campaign promises. One was a car in every garage. The other was BLANK in every pot.

(audience laughs)


(think music plays)

[palmer7]

(submits answer)

By the way, this may seem like a silly question for this network, but who is everyone leaning towards for President? I'm putting my money on Trump.

[Deleted]

(Inserts card) well I'm hoping Hillary Clinton gets it. I know, Greg, I have different political beliefs, but let's not start an argument on this show.

[palmer7]

Right. We'll just save it for if and when we get called to commentate on Meet the Press.

[dougmorrisontheair]

Yes, let's not turn this into the Match Game - Hollywood Squares - Meet The Press Hour by Hour, please.

(scattered laughter from the crowd)

Besides, Chuck Todd's too busy to come out here to Cali.

Waiting on Mr. Bill to chime in.

[dougmorrisontheair]

He's ready, they're all ready and, Jon, we're ready for your response to this.

Last week, Sleazeball Sal was elected prime minister of Nerdocrumbesia in a landslide win. He made only two campaign promises. One was a car in every garage. The other was BLANK in every pot.

[dougmorrisontheair]

(Bump for Jon.)

[jmdarrall]

Hmmm...if he's a sleazeball, he'd promise something that could come easily...WATER?

(Gritting my teeth and bracing myself for some boos)

[palmer7]

Boooooo!

[dougmorrisontheair]

(audience boos)

Doug: Jon, I think you've got the wrong show. The pilot for the new "Scattegories" is taping down the hall and to the left.

(audience laughs; smattering of applause)

Doug: Well -- we'll go through the formalities and compare answers. Ian, what was the sleazeball promising?

Ian: Well, I don't now what to say except he wants everyone to smoke weed everyday, so I said -- (card) [MARIJUANA]

(buzz)
(audience cheers)

Doug: Now *that's* more like it. Bill?

Bill: (card) A tax bill in every pot.

(buzz) (scattered boos)

Doug: Read Sal's lips -- new taxes, eh? Ohhh kayyy -- moving right along to Matt.

Matt: (card) [SOUP]

(buzz) (scattered groans)

Doug: Soup? I thought for sure we'd get sleazier that. No match for Jon as we come on down and visit Greg.

Last week, Sleazeball Sal was elected prime minister of Nerdocrumbesia in a landslide win. He made only two campaign promises. One was a car in every garage. The other was BLANK in every pot.

Doug: By some miracle did you think of Jon's answer of "water"?

Greg: Well, Sleazeball Sal was not only a prime minister, he was a drug lord. So he promised (card) [HASH] in every pot.

(buzz) (audience cheers)

Doug: That's more like it.  Skippy, I'm curious. Would "marijuana" and "hash" match each other?

Skippy: (over loud speaker) Based on our thesaurus, yes.

Doug: That's what I thought. If I were playing, I'd have 200 points and two matches by now. But I'm not playing. Sam played this -- and thought of what?

Sam: Well we aren't entirely sure what type of pot is in question here, but I said (card) [SOUP]

(buzz) (scattered boos)

Doug: (shakes head) More "soup" for us, eh? And Hunter, do tell what you wrote down?

Hunter: Well, at least he's keeping the Soup Nazi away, if you know what I mean. (card) [SOUP]

(buzz) (scattered boos)

Doug: Either you guys weren't thinking sleazy enough or soup is the national food of Nerdocrumbesia.

| MARIJUANA | A TAX BILL | SOUP |
| HASH | SOUP | SOUP |

Jon's answer: WATER

Doug: Well, we're still scoreless as Kourtney's up to bat.

[dougmorrisontheair]

And once again, all the stars, please put marker to card with this.

After the first pre-season game, Phil the football coach said, "I can already tell this is going to be a long season. Our quarterback wasn't throwing to our receivers or their defense. Instead, he kept throwing to BLANK.

(scattered laughter) (think music plays)

[Deleted]

(Inserts card) so Greg, how are things going over at $ale?