MG-HS Hour from New York City [NBC/Peacock] - Episode 49

[dougmorrisontheair]

(scattered groans)

Doug: No wonder Chris likes the answer. He thinks we're headed for a scoreless tie after one. As do I.

We'll go through the motions, Mike. Mick's connections with drugs are well known -- but we were going after his age on this one. Kevin?

Kevin: How else do you think he survived being eaten by lions?

(buzz)
(audience laughs and applauds)

Doug: *There's* a great answer. Venue that's been around for eons. Seemingly as long as Mick and The Stones. Lainey?

Lainey: Well, you know the old saying "A Rolling Stone never gets no Kate Moss!"

(audience groans)

Lainey: Anyway, my answer to the question is

(buzz) (scattered laughter)

Doug: My next question -- did Mick bring the gold, frankincense or myrrh? To Mark now.

Mark: (card)

(buzz) (more laughter)

Doug: Wow. At his *own* birth now. Matt, I hope you're getting the idea now. We now go downstairs to Immanuel.

Mick Jagger is *SO* old -- his first concert was held at BLANK.

Immnauel: A very special day, so special they had Mick perform live in person...

(buzz) (more laughter)

Doug: Kinda sorta matches Lainey's answer. Bill?

Bill: You know my first thought was more lottery tickets for that last question Doug. Great minds think alike!

As for Mr. Jagger, he is so old.....that his first concert was held at...

Bill: -- STONEhenge -- (buzz) -- (audience laughs) -- which inspired the band's first name, the STANDING STONES.

(more laughs)

Doug: Ahhh. Lainey and Bill will be competing in a pun-off, I see. Nels, end this round, please.

Nels: My answer is...

(buzz) (more laughter)

Doug: Whether three of you realize this or not, you're referencing a particular Stones song -- the lyrics of which we probably can't go into -- because -- network censors.

Doug: Do we offer an extra content clip on Peacock? I'll be glad to explain there. (scattered laughter from crowd) Anyway, scoreless after one. Round 2 from New York -- after this.

(audience applause; MG-HSH music plays)

[tmann3x]

[dougmorrisontheair]

(audience cheers)

Durndest thing happened during the break. My agent called and asked when I'm coming home -- because I've been tapped to host a reboot of "Solid Gold".

(scattered cheers and woos)

I'm honored.  But don't get too excited. Booked guests include Mick Jagger, Air Supply, and Soldier Boy.

(audience laughs and applause)

Given the money I've spent on souvenirs here, I could use the extra walking money -- but that's about it.

Okay, back to Match Game. We're tied at nil. Since Chris went first in Round 1, Matt, the rules say you'll start Round 2. Please select Question A or Question B.

[billmcdee]

Solid Gold?  Sounds more like Ancient Ruins to me (chucking).

[thunderwheeler501]

That's MIKE, not MATT. And I'll pick question B.

[dougmorrisontheair]

I'm so sorry, Mike. I'll get this right or else my name's Grant Goodeve.

(scattered laughter from crowd)

Okay, back to Match Game with Mike, our six stars and this question.

Jim Kirk noted in his captain's log, "The Starship Enterprise has come to a screeching halt. Scotty, my chief engineer, reported some nefarious ne'er-do-well switched out dilithium crystals for BLANK crystals."



(think music plays)

(audience laughs)

[tmann3x]

JIMMY FALLON (as Captain Kirk): Doug... is... this... question... logical?

[billmcdee]

Oct 22, 2022 21:34:01 GMT -5 tmann3x said:

JIMMY FALLON (as Captain Kirk): Doug... is... this... question... logical?

(Channeling Leonard Nimoy): More importantly, will the answers be?

[dougmorrisontheair]

Mike's wondering if *I'm* going to be using logic.

(scattered laughter from crowd)

Mike, all the stars are ready. Here's the question again.

Jim Kirk noted in his captain's log, "The Starship Enterprise has come to a screeching halt. Scotty, my chief engineer, reported some nefarious ne'er-do-well switched out dilithium crystals for BLANK crystals."

[thunderwheeler501]

I don't know if this is gonna make any matches or not, but I'll say diamond crystals. I'm pretty sure they didn't have diamonds on the Enterprise.

[billmcdee]

O no...

The Enterprise, like any ship, was referred to as "she" by Scotty.  Being "female", diamonds are a girl's best friend

[dougmorrisontheair]

(audience groans)

Doug: All I'm going to say is there's a really good answer if you thought about the nefarious. Kevin, we start with you.

Kevin: I hope the FBI isn’t watching this show. Otherwise we’d be putting the Star Trek crew to places man wasn’t meant to go…

(buzz)
(audience cheers)

Doug: Meth, for better or worse, is THE answer. And I'm sure Kirk and company have access to other law enforcement. So there's that. Lainey?

Lainey: Please don't boo the messenger...

(buzz) (scattered groans)

Doug: Well -- got a minor skirmish but not a full boo. There's a funny answer that goes with this as well. Mark, what did you bring to the table?

Mark: (card)

(buzz) (scattered laughter and groans)

Doug: Chaos Emerald Crystals. Throwing in a little Sonic action on the Enterprise, are we? Huh kay. Well -- that's kinda sorta close to Diamonds but not close enough as we go to Immanuel.

Jim Kirk noted in his captain's log, "The Starship Enterprise has come to a screeching halt. Scotty, my chief engineer, reported some nefarious ne'er-do-well switched out dilithium crystals for BLANK crystals."

Immanuel: Now, I still want people to know, this is 100% a family show... (card)

(buzz)
(audience cheers)

Doug: Sure about this being a family show? (scattered laughter from crowd) Bill, over to you.

Bill: Tying in with Mick Jagger...

(buzz) (more cheers)

Doug: Three votes for Meth.  Nels, last chance for diamonds.

Nels: (card) Meth.

(buzz) (more cheers)

Doug: The funny answer -- and this shows my age -- the Enterprise came to a complete stop because some enemy swapped out the dilithium crystals for -- *Folgers* crystals.

(audience laughs)

Keep the faith, Mike.  One more round to go for you. 

[thunderwheeler501]

Yeah, and not the drugs.

[dougmorrisontheair]

Chris, as for you let's see if you can break this scoreless tie in the last half of Round 2.

And once again, all the stars on the panel are playing.

Harold the Hollywood Hotshot said, "I fired my assistant yesterday. We're filming a reboot of 'The Running Man' and she cast BLANK in the title role."

(think music plays)

(audience laughs)

[billmcdee]

That Folger's coffee pun, not exactly my cup of tea (chuckling).....

And the meth crystals made sense to help Enterprise's elevation, the ship needed to get higher.

(inserting my present answer)

[dougmorrisontheair]

Okay, Chris, they're all set. Here's the question again.


Harold the Hollywood Hotshot said, "I fired my assistant yesterday. We're filming a reboot of 'The Running Man' and she cast BLANK in the title role."

[babytims]

…what?

[koopakid17]

This just got personal!

[billmcdee]

(slowly falling out of my seat)

[tmann3x]

JIMMY FALLON: That does it... I'm calling my lawyer.

[dougmorrisontheair]

(audience groans)

Doug: I think I figured out the players' strategy. They wanted to give bad answers for the first two rounds -- to make sure all the stars played all the question.

(audience laughs)

Doug: In any event, we'll go through the motion and check the answers -- even though we know six buzzers are coming -- starting with Kevin.

Kevin: Talk about someone who runs... or steals bases:

(buzz) (scattered laughter)

Doug: Well -- if he runs well in the here and now, it kinda botches the idea. Lainey?

Lainey: Odd casting for this one so I put down (card)

(buzz) (audience laughs and applauds)

Doug: Now that's a bit more like it. Someone famous *not* necessarily known for running would be bad casting for "The Running Man" reboot. Mark?

Mark: (card)

(buzz) (scattered laughter)

Doug: A little self-deprication -- but no match as we go to Immanuel.

Harold the Hollywood Hotshot said, "I fired my assistant yesterday. We're filming a reboot of 'The Running Man' and she cast BLANK in the title role."

Doug: Chris said his dad -- which I doubt you or anyone else on this row said.

Immanuel: I guess she watched “Forrest Gump” too many times and got hooked. (card)

(buzz) (scattered laughter)

Doug: Probably. Bill?

Bill: Match Game's very own... (card)

(buzz) (audience laughs and applauds)

Doug: Ah ha!!!!!!!! That's more like it! I love that answer. Nels?

Nels: (card)

(buzz) (scattered groans)

Doug: Ummm -- maybe in hologram form.

Doug: Well, two rounds are in the books. We're still noughted at nil. One of these players *will* go to Hollywood Squares. Find out who -- after this.

(MG-HSH theme plays; audience cheers)

[tmann3x]

================================================================================


*fade to promo*

(win cue)

(cheers and applause)



STEVEN HIGGINS:  Closed Captioning sponsored today by the following--

[dougmorrisontheair]

(audience cheers)

We're back for Round 3.

Okay, let's find a winner -- for reals.  We're still scoreless.  Since Mike went first in Round 2, Chris, please start Round 3 by picking Question A or Question B.

[tmann3x]

[dougmorrisontheair]

B as in Bill. Okay.

Bill and everyone else play this one.

Confucius say, "One who dates certified public accountant takes BLANK risk."

(think music plays)

(audience laughs)

[tmann3x]

Waiting on Mark and Nels...

[dougmorrisontheair]

Now they're ready. And we're ready for Chris.

Confucius say, "One who dates certified public accountant takes BLANK risk."

[dougmorrisontheair]

(audience boos)

Doug: Umm -- only if the CPA has a side gig we can't mention on the air.

(scattered laughter from crowd)

Doug: Let's quickly go through the motions -- starting with someone who's worked in accounting -- Kevin.

Kevin: There are many ways to fit a blank like that. I settled on...

(buzz) (audience cheers)

Doug: That's a good one. I thought of another way. I might get back to you on that -- unless someone else comes up with my answer. Lainey?

Lainey: (shakes head) I went with... (card)

(buzz) (audience boos)

Doug: Legal risk? We're dealing with an accountant -- not an attorney. Mark?

Mark: (card)

(buzz) (audience boos)

Doug: Uhhh -- moving right along -- quickly -- to Immanuel.

Immanuel: I didn't know what else to put. (card)

(buzz) (scattered boos)

Doug: Ohhh -- blither. Bill?

Bill: I knew a gal once who dated a CPA but he was awful at both dating and accounting. His idea of "safe sex" was using a rubber check. (scattered laughter from crowd) I tell that bad joke to soften the blow for this even more awful answer, in my opinion. The only thing I could think of is... (card)

(buzz) (scattered boos)

Doug: Well -- softened the blow. Nels?

Nels: Drew a blank (card)

(buzz) (audience boos)

Doug: Huh kay. Well, obviously, the only good answer came from Kevin. Kevin, just curious, do CPAs still use desktop calculators? With or without printout paper?

Kevin: Actually, yes. And they still come with paper to boot. My boss uses them, and some of my co-workers do as well. Although there is kind of a generation gap, because I prefer using the calculator on my computer.

Doug: Because I thought for sure someone would've thought dating a CPA would be a *calculated* risk.

(scattered laughter)

Doug: Mike, all you have to do is match one star to go to the Squares. Strikeout and we go to the tie-breaker.

[dougmorrisontheair]

And here comes...

...the last question in regulation Match Game.

Hey, did you hear about the cheese factory explosion in France? BLANK was everywhere.

(think music plays)

(audience laughs)

[tmann3x]

Bryan Law, Matt Bingel, and Jimmy Fallon (that's me)... be on standby for The Hollywood Squares.